Mia Khalifa on shame, the male gaze vs the 'right' gaze and more

The bits that didn't make it into my HUCK cover story

I began my career in journalism profiling music artists for various publications, and it’s always been something I’ve very much enjoyed doing, and something I’ve felt honoured to be entrusted with - people’s stories, that is; their personalities and trajectories. To get to have a conversation with them, to get them to feel comfortable enough to be themselves and open up, and then to get to translate that; to pick out the quotes and the threads that best illuminate who they are and what they want - and need - the world to know about them. It’s one of my favourite ways of writing, of connecting. Profiling Mia Khalifa for the cover of the latest edition of HUCK Magazine reminded me of all of this.

"We are all Mia Khalifa,” I began the profile. “And not just in the tongue-in-cheek way that the world’s arguably most notorious brown woman references, in the bio of her 27.6 million-strong Instagram account: ‘Are you even a brown girl with glasses if you haven’t been called Mia Khalifa?’

“It wasn't entirely what I was expecting, when I first logged onto a Zoom call with the Lebanese-born, US-raised 30-year-old, but two minutes into the conversation, it felt like we had long been friends…

“It wasn’t just because I, like Mia, am also a Middle Eastern woman in her early 30s who moved to the ‘West’ at the age of eight. One who also lives outside the stereotypes and expectations of what culture — both East and West – would like to box us into, although, for sure, that helped. Especially when we began the conversation joking about shaving our then-considered bushy (now considered on trend) eyebrows off, in our respective school bathrooms. It was the candour and authenticity of a woman who, despite having all the reasons in the world to be guarded, seems like she has never been more herself."

Real talk, I fell in love with Mia Khalifa, arguably one of the most famous Middle Eastern women out there, and one of the most misunderstood and demonised, too. I very much enjoyed translating aspects of the person I met, the person I got to know in our hour+ conversation, for others to get to see her how I did. There was so, so very much I related to throughout the chat and - judging by the response to the profile and the response to the fact that I got to meet / speak with her in the first place, so many more who see themselves in her, too. Who admire her tenacity and way of seeing and being in the world.

But there’s never enough space. The word count is never quite long enough. Especially not when the conversation was as good as ours was; when Mia had so very many gems to share. So I thought I’d include some of the best bits that didn’t make it into the profile with you all, here…

On shame and the body keeping the score:

[Shame] is the most powerful human emotion. It's really dangerous, and it can be really powerful at the same time. It's really reassuring to know that you're not just a bad person, and you're not... you didn't do certain things just because, you know, you're not good. You did them because you've been hurt in the past; because you were triggered by something; because you don't know how else to respond; because your body doesn't know how to self-regulate; because your nervous system got worked up… It's really important to understand that, number one, the Body Keeps the Score of everything, so whatever you don't heal, the next time you encounter it, it's going to manifest physically, emotionally, spiritually in some way. That's the number one thing to learn - even if you haven't started a therapy journey - that there’s always a reason why you are making a choice, and it usually has nothing to do with the actual, you know, topic of whatever decision you're making.

On sexuality and learning to express it in healthy ways: